Silence on Saturday

Technically, it's still Friday but God has been speaking to me about tomorrow. I had to write this out and post it before sleep makes me forget. :)

On Friday we mourn and on Sunday we rejoice but happened to Saturday? On Saturday there is silence. What was Saturday like? Imagine being one of the disciples, maybe you understood that Jesus was going to be resurrected but maybe you were just as confused as everyone else. If it were me, I would have had a head full of doubts. It wouldn’t matter how many times Jesus mentioned His death, the crucifixion would have shocked me. Whenever I experience great shock, silence follows. What if I had even spent multiple years walking with Jesus (God incarnate), witnessing countless miracles, and growing to love the only perfect human being that ever lived? What would I have felt when I witnessed His excruciating death? Oh, the confusion! Oh, the heartbreak and oh the inevitable despair! 

What if at one time, I had believed the prophesied resurrection? Could I maintain unshakeable faith during the crucifixion or the silence of Saturday? The answer is still, “No.” I would have doubted. 

The reality is that I have walked with Jesus for many years, I have witnessed miracles by the power of His Holy Spirit. I’ve heard promises of what He has for me to accomplish for His Kingdom. I’ve believed but oh, the weakness of my faith. Sometimes it feels an awful lot like Saturday. On Saturday, it’s too easy for me to focus on the silence and forget His promises. On Saturday, I forget that Friday happened and that Sunday is coming. Nothing can stop Sunday. Nothing can stop the glory of His coming! Silence does not require despair. Silence is an opportunity to remember and to prepare. 

Our lives are nothing more than a small sentence in God’s story. He’s called each of us, welcomed us into His family by the blood of the lamb. He’s even called each of us to live through Saturday. Though there is silence on this day, it doesn’t mean that His plan isn’t unfolding. Jesus died on Friday, and lay in the ground on Saturday but His resurrection was always going to be the culmination of the story. There is another Sunday on it’s way and on that day, “Every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that He is Lord.” It doesn’t matter what circumstance we’re facing, Jesus is coming and that was always the point of our lives anyway. Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus! Come soon, Lord! 

Living for more, 

Abby :)

PS. To my grammar nazi and English major friends, I did not proofread this. :)

A Confession

I'm scared to go to sleep tonight. There. I said it.
For the past year and a half of my life, I've headed upstairs at 9am. Once I got upstairs, I either greeted Markelle in the kitchen and had breakfast with her or I checked on her in her room. For the past month, things haven't been normal. We've had family visiting, I took a trip to NH and this week the girls have been on vacation. Tomorrow things are supposed to go back to normal. Honestly, nothing about my life in Joplin will be normal without Markelle. When I go upstairs tomorrow,  she's not going to be there, Chris will be at work and the girls will be at school. I'm going to have to begin the process of finding a new normal.

I assume that it's going to take a lot of time. Everything about this house and my daily tasks remind me of her.

One thing I know for certain, God's Spirit and grace is available to me 24/7 and He'll be walking with me up those stairs and every step of the way.

"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine. This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long." Let it be!

Thoughts on a Plane-12/20/12

As I was heading to NH for Christmas, I spent some time during my flight processing and here are some of my thoughts that came spilling out of my head...

I need to write. My thoughts are so disorganized and I’m having a hard time expressing everything I’m feeling. That’s probably because I’m unsure of how I’m feeling. She is gone. I just can’t believe it. I now understand what people mean when they say that they’re “at a loss for words”. I only knew M for three years but within that time frame, she changed my life. I think that no matter how much you like someone as a friend, it takes years and years before they feel like family. It’s not like that with the Dumm’s. God literally transplanted me from NH to Joplin and stuck me in their family. I didn’t do a thing. He did everything. I hear people say that they can’t believe I’m handling this job and situation so well but to me, it just seems natural and right. You help your family because it’s a natural instinct, not out of an obligation. That’s the way I feel about the Dumm’s. Actually I take that back, it’s not a natural instinct, It’s a God-given instinct. He’s the one that provides me with grace that I can’t even see but am overwhelmingly aware of it these days. He placed me in the Dumm family, gives me strength for hard days, comfort for the pain, wisdom that is definitely not from myself. He did everything. I did nothing. I was about to say, that I followed Him. That’s something that I did but really, I did even do that on my own. 

This past week has been filled with some of the most painful moments of my life, but they were also life-changing and I’m so thankful for them. I’ll always remember that last hour with Markelle, when I bawled my eyes out while I carried a sobbing little girl out to the car because she was finally being honest with her emotions. I’ll never forget sitting there at the gravesite beside my “family” while being so filled with hope and so filled with grief, staring at the picture that Cate painted on the side of the casket. It was a family picture where they’re holding hands, yet she painted me into the family. I have a hard time thinking about it without getting emotional. I know God brought me to Joplin to meet one of my best friends and to gain a new family. I know that someday I’ll leave Joplin but one thing is certain...Chris, Cate and Elena will always be my family. They mean more to me than I can put into words. I’m truly honored and blessed to be in their lives.

My life is kind of funny and not the “Hehe, God you’re so funny” but the “Wow, you’re really creative and throwing things at me I didn’t expect” kind of funny. Most kids my age are finishing up college and starting a career but instead, God gave me a new family and a wealth of unique and treasured experiences. I’m so thankful and so certain that His plans are perfect, even if they’re different from what I personally imagined. I used to feel a bit sorry for myself. I used to ask God, “Why do I have so much responsibility and other kids just get to float around and party in college?” I felt like I was 21 going on 35. I also used to wonder, “Why did you want me to grow so close to Markelle? Is it because you wanted to break my heart when you take her home with you?” Of course, the answer to both of those questions is “no.” God has worked in my life the way He has because He is good, because He has a plan and it’s glorious. I wouldn’t trade my time with Markelle for anything in the whole wide world. God changed my life through her. She was everything that I aspire to be. A best friend when I felt lonely, an encouragement at all times and she set an amazing example of what it means to follow Jesus better than anyone I’ve ever met. She went through more pain and suffering in those seven years than I could ever handle and she handled it gracefully and never complained. I would know. She never spoke badly about her husband and loved, supported and honored him in all things.  As soon as she felt “well” at all she would help the girls with homework because there was nothing she loved more than being a Mom. She was an amazing Mom! 

It took me a long time to admit to myself just how much I loved her, because I knew the more I love her the more painful seeing her die would be. I’m not going to lie, this has been the most heartbreaking experience in my life but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Even though, I’m heartbroken, I know that she is well. She is healed. She is whole and in the presence of her loving Saviour. There is no more pain, tears or anxiety that she’s experiencing but instead fullness of joy and pleasure forevermore. That is such good news. While we’re all sad and I’m worried about my brother and sisters, Chris, Cate and Elena. I’m also confident that Jesus is enough for me and for them. He will sustain us and provide the grace needed to get through each day. I’m so thankful to know the Lord and to mourn in hope for my friend Markelle. She is with Jesus and one day I’ll stand beside her and join her song of “Holy, Holy is the Lord God almighty, who was and is to come.” I eagerly await that day! In the meantime, I will continue to chase after Jesus and experience His presence daily. I want to live my life like my friend Markelle did. She loved much, experienced life richly and always put the Lord first. She lived in a way where she honored Jesus without even opening her mouth. His light shined so brightly through her because He was her first love and everything. I want to live like that. All I can say is now is, Jesus I am overwhelmed. You are so good. Markelle, I’ll miss you forever but I’ll see you soon!

It's time...

It's time to start blogging again. Writing is therapeutic for me. Not because I get to exclaim "Woe is me!" all the time but because it helps me to organize my thoughts and get down to what's really important: Jesus. My head is a mess. I can't even begin to put into words everything that goes on in my brain. I'm always pondering multiple things at a time and what's really important tends to get muddled by what I'm going to make for dinner, that awesome song I heard earlier or the spider crawling across the floor. You get the picture.

Life is so unpredictable. It amazes me the good and sweet things you can experience amidst hard times. Today I've been struggling more than usual. I've felt anxious all day and my head has been in a fog while my heart was overwhelmingly heavy but God has exchanged my heavy heart for joy in praising His name. This song is one that I can't stop singing tonight:

You have redeemed my soul
From the pit of emptiness
You have redeemed my soul 
From death

I was a hungry child 
A dried up river
I was a burned out forest
And no one could do anything for me
But You put food in my body
And water in my dried bed
And to my blackened branches
You brought the springtime
Green of new life
And nothing is impossible for You


When I'm struggling or going through tough times, it's easy for me to lose perspective. The fact of the matter is that I was a hungry child, a dried up river, burned out forest, beyond help from earthly powers BUT, He fed me, gave me water and brought the springtime green of new life. He has redeemed me from the pit of emptiness and the sting of death. When I lose perspective, I start slipping back into that pit of despair but He graciously reminds me that He has accomplished what I could not accomplish. He has redeemed my soul. He has brought me into the presence of my Father, where I can be daily refreshed and filled with eternal hope even amidst trials. Nothing is impossible for Him. 

I'm resting in the fact that He is good at all times. Friends, know that He has redeemed YOU and that we can rest secure in Jesus, even when the world seems like it's falling apart. Nothing is impossible for Him. He is worthy of all that we have! Oh Lord, You are good! 

Living for more,
Abby

Psalm 1

One thing everyone should know about me is that I love the book of Psalms. Every time I read it, I find myself immensely encouraged and refreshed. It seems like I am always reading new passages that have a groundbreaking affect on my life and they always fill me with awe at the power of the word of God. I do regret that I don't know the book of Psalms better and that I've never fully studied it, so here I am, attempting to start a journey... My plan is to study a new Psalm each day, journal about it and then choose a section of the Psalm to meditate on throughout the day. So... here goes...

Psalm 1 is titled: "The way of the Wicked and Righteous" and in the study notes of my bible it says that this Psalm reminds the readers that at the end of the day, there is only two ways to live your life.

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; for the LORD knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish. (Psalm 1 ESV)

The Wicked: people who refused to live by the covenant, "walk, stand, sit" metaphors referring to being "loyal". "Chaff that the wind drives away", those who reject God's covenant are life chaff meaning that they bring no benefit to anyone. (yikes! :-/ )

The Righteous: delight in the law of the LORD, and meditate on it day and night, the Lord knows their ways. Law of the LORD is probably referring to His covenant with His people. Jesus is the fulfillment of that promise. His covenant is one filled with "grace". It's important to remember that. This passage could totally be taken the wrong way and make people feel like we need to earn our righteousness but really, we need to think about the greatness of God's covenant with His people. It really is something to delight in! Jesus is our delight!

The end of this chapter brings a harsh reality that our lives will end one of two ways. The wicked are going to perish for forever and the righteous will be united with Jesus for all eternity. Of course, the latter option is not so harsh... I'm personally GREATLY looking forward to worshipping Jesus and falling on my face in awe of His awesomeness, however, I am heartbroken for those who don't know Him. I hate how I take each conversation for granted, how I shirk away from talking about Jesus and how sometimes I stifle the spirit with my own plans.

Oh God, that you would use me to bring more of your children to You. Inconvenience my plans, shatter them, give me your eyes, focus and love for your people. Let me not take my own salvation for granted but let me live in the joy of knowing that I am saved by your grace and that I will one day be with you forever. Thank you for your covenant to your people, thank you for fulfilling your promises and thank you for sending your son! What a perfect plan and what a perfect God you are! I'm honored to be called your daughter.

5 months.

Five months ago today seemed like any other day. It was the beginning of my long-awaited vacation in Joplin. Then something so terrible and seemingly unheard of hit one of my most beloved towns. May 22, 2011 Joplin Missouri was hit by one of the most destructive tornados on record. It was the most shocking, heart-breaking thing I'd ever witnessed.

Five months later at 8pm, I found myself on the set of a TV show that I grew up watching. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition was a staple TV show in my house since it first aired. Every Sunday night was a Baker Family Night where we'd watch the show, so excited to see the gorgeous and elaborate homes built for very deserving families. My Dad would always end up in tears because that's just who my Dad is! I love him.

This opportunity of working on the set of EMHE was a unique and rewarding experience and I'm very grateful for it. Not only am I so thankful that seven VERY deserving families are getting a home but I'm also filled with thanksgiving for one of those deserving families because I have the pleasure of knowing them. Tonight I got to see their house. Wow! I even got to carry tiles to their gorgeous new deck. I found out it has 4 bedrooms and the builder is so excited to meet the family. What an amazing guy! So generous and kind! I’m filled with joy for my friends!

As I was on the set of Extreme Makeover: Seven Houses in Seven Days, I thought of the only other time I'd seen this many volunteers in one place and that was after the tornado. The day after the tornado hit Joplin, my best friend and I went out into the city to help out. Everywhere you went and looked, there were volunteers who had poured in from all over the country. Now here we are 5 months later, people are still pouring in from everywhere to lend a hand to Joplin. One of the coolest things I saw on set--minus the houses-- was a huge map with pinpoints of where people had come from to volunteer for this build. People from all over the country and even all around the world! It was amazing!

Yes, the jobs we were assigned weren't always very fun. In the time span of my six hour shift, I found myself raking rocks, cleaning up the build sites, moving extremely heavy boxes of flooring, sweeping dust off of one of the house floors and other random tasks as well. I may have only got to step inside a couple of the houses and none of the celebrities were around but it was such a rewarding experience and I thank God that I was able to take part in it. I'm so thankful for His provision and guidance in the rebuilding of this city. I'm so hopeful that Joplin will be rebuilt and together the people will overcome the horrors of this tornado.

On May 22, it seemed like nothing would ever be the same in Joplin and yes that actually is true...nothing will be the same. This city will always remember the tornado. I believe that Joplin is still just as strong as it was the day before the tornado and I believe it's actually stronger because of it. We mourn the loss of the hundreds of people that died and we are heartbroken for the family members left behind. I know that they'll never fully recover from this but I know that there is hope. I saw hope the day after the tornado in the form of volunteers. I saw hope last night again in the same form of volunteers. I see hope daily in God's provision and love for each person in the city. I hear stories all the time that are a testament to His goodness through provision. I believe in a good God and I know He's good because I believe that He sent His son Jesus to redeem us. I know He sent His son for the people of Joplin and that He's continuing to reveal His goodness through the recovery of this city. He certainly is a good God who is taking care of His children in Joplin. Thank you, Lord! We ask for more! You are the God of this city.

A Week of Hymns

I LOVE HYMNS! Growing up, I'll admit... I thought hymns were lame.

Now, I've completely changed my mind. I LOVE THEM! A lot of my favorites are both poetically beautiful but also powerful beyond compare!

So this week I'm going to post one of my favorite Hymns per day... Keep a look out!